Springheel Scores a Century

Comrades, Citizens, Hero Soldiers and Workers!

Today is an historic day. Today, despite the sneering remarks of the so-called experts, the baying hostility of  reactionary hirelings, the deliberate and cynical efforts of  numerous powerful and sinister "elements" to stop this great endeavour, today, I say, we mark One Hundred Postings on this site!

Today, the labour of many unforgiving hours, the product of relentless sacrifice, of fanatical dedication, ofrevolutionary ardour and yes, even of love, is rewarded, not with the plaudits of critics or the thanks of a grateful nation but with the simple satisfaction of a job well done.  Scant reward, you might say. Perhaps. But I am a simple working man. For me, the satisfaction that I have done my best, that I have achieved my modest, undemonstrative goal, that I have fulfilled (nay- exceeded!)  my production quotas under the Springheel Jack Five Year Plan, is all that I ask. The plaudits of state, the praises of toadying courtiers, the toneless trumpetings of the media, are empty, meaningless laurels. It is enough to know that I have done my duty. I can say, in good conscience, that I have left no tedious anecdote untold, no facile observation unmade, no cliche unused. But it would be churlish of me not to admit that I did not do this unaided. I could not have reached my Century without the support and encouragement of a select group of valued friends -primarily the distillers of Tanqueray Gin and Laphroaig whisky and the Comité Interprofessionnel du vin de Champagne. I salute them.

The journey here has been harsh. I have paid a dreadful price...indeed we have all suffered.   Some have fallen by the way...and some have proved false. I shall decline to name names... we know who they are, and  the Civilised World holds them in abhorrence. And, like all revolutionary movements, we have faced not only treachery from within, but attack from without.  I regret that there is clear evidence, not merely of hostility from reactionary forces opposed to all that this site holds dear, but of active sabotage. I have received anonymous information providing irrefutable proof that covert efforts have been made to  buckle my umbrella, crush my trilby, scuff my brogues and even (despite a clear prohibition of such actions by the Hague Convention) to disorder my moustache. Enemies of the Revolution know no bounds, respect no treaty, spurn all decency. They are bounders and cads to a man.

But we are not here today to drain the sour dregs of emnity. Today is a day of celebration, of joy, of thankfulness. Rejoice!

Now clear the streets and return immediately to your labours.