You may have noticed a tangential reference in a recent post to a forthcoming trip to America.
To be more precise, I am required to visit the United States of America. This will not be my first visit to the continent, although I have previously confined my investigations to the Latin American nations.
Now why, you may wonder, is Old Springheel so interested in what occurs on the wrong side of the Atlantic? Why does he busy himself with the New World when he is so unambiguously of the Old?
I’ll tell you. Life here is hard. I am out of joint with the times. I long for a world where I (and my ilk) can live life as it should be lived, devoid of man-made fibres and television, of “computer games” and ipods. A life of good manners, proper umbrellas, and heavy puddings.
Such notions are now viewed by many in Blighty as heresy. Of course, I fight bitterly to defend the Good Old Cause. But like the English Puritans long before me, I’m giving serious thought to founding a colony.
Now I know what you’re going to say. You are going to tell me that I’m a little late. You are going to point out that the American Continent has already been colonised and indeed has been independent of its former colonial masters for some time (actually this is not entirely correct as France, bless ‘em, maintains a colony in South America to this day).
I accept this point. But I would ask you to consider this. When Spain, Portugal, France, Britain, Holland, Sweden et al first colonised the Americas, were those new, majestic lands uninhabited?
No.
Exactly: there were a considerable number of indigenous inhabitants who felt distinctly unhappy at the arrival of a collection of aggressive (and frankly, tediously self-righteous) foreigners. But the colonists didn’t let that stop them before and I see no reason to allow it to stop me now. It’s just a matter of persuading the present inhabitants of my chosen spot to make way for my manifest destiny.
So, I am scouting out possible locations. Ideally with a temperate climate, probably an island or isthmus to facilitate defence, good sea links to the Old Country, large areas of wide open and fertile land, passive natives, and (if possible) enormous lumps of gold lying around waiting to be picked up and shipped to Europe.
I shall write more of my plans anon.
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5 comments:
Springheel,
I regret to inform you that the good ol' USA has its share of television, ipods and computer games. You will not be able to escape this nonsense by coming here. And as we have a larger population, there is more of it than in Britain. I find life better just where you are. If you want to switch apartments and jobs, I will send you my contact info and we can work out a deal.
Springheel,
Might I offer the island of Manhattan as a possible colonization spot? Hilton Head Island, though, may have easier to overcome natives. Santa Catalina Island off the coast of my state of California is ripe for the taking; however, it falls short in the "good sea links to the Old Country" requirement, although it does have a nice harbor. I shall keep my eyes open and only require a small minor position in the new government for my troubles.
Gentlemen,
Your moral support and sound advice are gratifying. I continue to ponder these weighty issues. Obviously the plagues of modernity are as virulent across the Atlantic as they are in this sceptered isle.
The thing is, I understand land in the Americas can be purchased from the natives for no more than a handful of coloured beads. Who could resist such a chance?
West Coast Island - Coronado. Mad margaritas at Miguel's. Bully brandy at Brigantine. Impressive Library and white sandy beaches. Just a ferry ride over from a little town called San Diego.
Happy New Year, Springheel.
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