Another Brush with Old Baldy

Dearly beloved,

Contrary to appearances, I sobered up at the beginning of the month but I am afraid I have been a busy old Springy of late, hence the absence of the usual hastily-cobbled-together rubbish.

The Springheel Establishment takes to the road for the Festive Season and engages in a Grand Tour of the English Provinces, an anabasis that was enhanced this year by a fairly horrifying asthma attack which, I have to say, left me wondering momentarily whether I was going to see 2010. The memsahib reports that having made a quite ridiculous fuss about not being able to breathe, I collapsed in a chair and turned grey. She claims that she assisted me during the attack but my distinct recollection was that she persuaded our friend P to hold a dusty cushion over my face whilst she ran off, reappearing moments later brandishing a large pair of rusty pliers and muttering something about my gold tooth being "worth a bob or two". Of course, when I managed to get my inhaler to work and calmed down, the pair of them steadfastly denied that these events occurred.  I knew it was mistake to let her read that Agatha Christie omnibus...

On my return to London I managed to catch a truly hideous cold with predictable results, viz, asthma and associated outbreaks of asphyxia... so my energies have, of late, been concentrated on trying to keep breathing.  One pleasing side effect of my ailment has been that I have been able to do very little but sit with the memsahib, rug over my knees and fire roaring in grate, and watch DVDs of old British Films. And bally good they are too: redolent of a better and more gentle world, perhaps. Anyway, I have rediscovered  the delightful talents of Anton Walbrook, David Niven, Marius Goring and Roger Livesey. So I suppose things have not been all bad.

Sadly, I am very sorry to have to report that, in a moment of absence of mind, I failed to hide quickly enough at the office and accidentally found myself given some work to do. Obviously, this really isn't on in the British public sector and my appeal comes before the European Court of Human Rights next month. I will keep you posted. Ad interim, I suppose I shall be dropping in now and again to prattle on about something or other and let you know that I haven't died yet. Unless, of course, I have.